Don’t you just love that a babysitter is so thrilled to come over, even on short notice, even on a Saturday night? I know I do, and when I have called Rachael in the past to baby sit she was so eager, so prompt, and so full of love for my kids. She would even feel embarrassed to take money from me because she said she was having so much fun with my kids it hardly felt right to get paid for it! Oh those days, I’d give anything to have those days back again.

Rachael is the latest sitter to fall prey to what I call “I’m just not that in to you anymore” syndrome. It begins with a lack of common courtesy to return a phone call or a lame excuse, or an uncanny ability to have a major life crisis twenty minutes before she is supposed to be at my house to baby sit. These are all the early warning signs, beware! You may have experienced the early warning signs that someone’s just not that into you anymore syndrome, such as;

1. How to tell when your hairdresser just isn’t that into you anymore. She isn’t so fabulous about rescheduling you ten times in the last 6 months, mostly because Rachel flaked out again! She “accidentally” gives you siren red instead of serene red, yeah right! “She’s just not that into you!”

2. How to tell when your boss just isn’t that into you anymore. You get to work and someone else is at your desk with pictures of strange children you don’t recognize. Definitely the syndrome.

Or worse,

3. How to tell when your mother-in-law just isn’t that into you anymore. She isn’t so passive about her aggressiveness.

The early phases should be gentle warning signs to move on, find fresh blood, face the facts. But usually we don’t. It took several of my having to cancel appointments last minute, or cancel a date because Rachael’s boyfriend’s Mother had a flat tire, or she has to visit her sick grandmother, “my mom has grounded me”, twenty minutes before she has to come over of course. I love the classic excuse, “I’m sick” with that soft and gritty fake cough just for added effect. Those are just the early phases of the horrible syndrome we all dread, the “How to tell your babysitter’s just not that into you” syndrome.

The syndromes progression is much more painful and costly. As a manager at work I would not tolerate these excuses and lack of commitment from any employee, they would be fired immediately. But we desperate parents, seeking only some quiet refuge from the kids for a few hours, will take days and even weeks of this abuse in hopes that we are wrong. Maybe Rachael’s boyfriend’s mother really does get a lot of flat tires, maybe she really is grounded 5 times in the last month, and maybe she really is horribly sick every Saturday night. Most rational people would have moved on, but not us parents. We hang on as if a spell of responsibility will strike and Rachael will have come to her senses.

Sad and horrible as it may be this is nothing compared to the final phases of the syndrome. I didn’t even see it coming. Parents must be blind to all caution and billboard sized clues. My end came last Saturday night. I had a big engagement to attend. I had booked Rachael a month in advance and had confirmed with her several times and reiterated how important this date is to me and that I need her to be “all in”. She swears she is and can’t wait to see my kids. The big day arrives and I am getting dressed when the phone rings. I dread picking it up. I am hoping it is my mother, that is how desperate I am that it won’t be Rachael. I am sick to my stomach as I pick up the receiver, and it’s her. The small quiet voice on the other end says, “Hi Karen, I’m sorry but I can’t make it tonight”. I want to scream, I want to cry, but I can’t. I had every warning sign and she met every criterion for the syndrome that exists. But we parents are stubborn and desperate like I said. Next time I won’t let it get this far. Next time I’ll get it; my baby sitter’s just not that in to me anymore!